Eliza Anne's Coffee Calamity

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Eliza Anne's Coffee Calamity



It was a chilling day in November, along about dawn,
Eliza Anne went to the cupboard, plans to make brew,
A sad surprise befell her, her coffee maker was gone,
Just a shell remained, dormant, nary a drop to accrue.


Not one to calmly stand idle, and admit to a defeat,
She opened up her lap top, and went shopping online,
Placed an immediate order, went to cart from her seat,
Glanced toward her kitchen counter, mourning her shrine.


Springing to her feet, she searched for a tea kettle,
Filled with water, placed on the eye, setting it to ten,
Placed grounds and filter in a colander, intent to settle,
Soon crisis would be averted; she would not want that again.


She recalled a porcelain percolator, blue speckled kind,
Stored above, in a random box, somewhere beyond a ceiling,
She dragged a ladder to the hallway, hoping there to find;
At the top step, opened the door, darkness was concealing.


To her surprise, she was now face to face with an intruder,
A mask wearing bandit was staring her down, with demon eyes.
Losing her footing on the platform, dreading weight transfer,
The raccoon lunges, Eliza dodges, and down to floor she flies.


Coming to, on the floor, the raccoon queried, "Are you okay?"
Her subtle nod gave way to gaze, "Almost had a heart attack."
She said she was sorry she gave him a scare, as there she lay,
Sensing nothing was broken, "Help me get up off my back."


Making her way to her kitchen table, what we'll call home base,
Nursing herself with a cold cup of java, the elixir of life,
The raccoon, admiring surroundings, had never seen this place,
Cringed at the sight of Eliza Anne, fondling a carving knife.


She told him of her plight, said, "I have no coffee, Mister."
The raccoon put two and two together, then out the door he ran.
Eliza left to run some errands, unaware of his plot twister,
She returned that afternoon to view the results of his plan.


Her table held a dozen coffee makers, some worn, some shiny,
The bandit's chest swelled with pride, at her look of surprise.
"This is just a start," he boasted, "No one out steals Quiney.
Raccooning is a thing I do well, no matter the style or size."


Quiney payed little heed to her scolding, such is tough love.
He was more interested in her packages, "So, what's for lunch?"
She tilted a bag his way, showing carrots, gave them a shove;
Thanking goodness for small favors, for his well played hunch.


"I don't often eat these, as I'm dumpster diving. They're awful.
Not that I do not appreciate your kind gesture, really I do.
What really brings me to my knees, is a syrupy frozen waffle."
She said, "You are in luck." Going to the freezer, "One or two?"


Dropping them into the slots, she engaged her electric toaster.
She saw no red glow, there were no kitchen smells permeating.
She said, "I can't believe my luck today." He calmly asked her,
"Do you think your problem might be a circuit breaker failing?"


Turns out, he was onto something. The current was back to flow.
She burned the first batch, more focused on her coffee brewing.
Not a problem, she had an entire box, "You are good to go."
She went online. He quizzed her just what she was now doing?


"I am going to see if I can cancel my order, no longer needed."
To her surprise, a message appeared, she was a lucky customer.
Her initial thought to kill the deal would now go unheeded.
As their one millionth customer, "Choose whichever you prefer!"


A vacation cruise, a new living room suit, or perhaps a new car?
Those were some of the options before her, spoils of winning.
The furniture suited her, as she had no real desire to go far.
Quiney, taking this in, amused, nothing like a raccoon grinning.


Eliza Anne rushed into the next room, envisioning her new decor,
Overwhelmed at all the good fortune what was coming her way.
She inadvertently tripped over a rogue ladder, lying on the floor.
Hearing the haunting sound of a tea kettle, she drifted away...


Outside her door, hearing a loud commotion, her postman, Jay,
Made a quick call for help; a hook and ladder nearby cruising,
Within minutes, the firemen were on the scene, to save the day.
Eliza Anne was revived, no bones broken, just some bruising.


She knew her name, correctly gave her address, as well as the day.
"All I wanted was a cup of coffee, things just went downhill."
Jay ran toward a local bistro, her coffee was now on its way.
"Best I could do, cream and sugar, from Dave's Bar and Grill."


They left her alone, on her living room sofa. She was reclining.
As her fog was lifting, she wondered, "Where is my raccoon?"
With her front door left ajar, a crow flew in and saw shining.
"Do I want this carving knife or perhaps this silver spoon?"


Two days later, Jay arrived, with a doorbell ring, left a parcel;
By the time Eliza opened the door, Jay was running in the distance.
For all that was a dream, this new coffee maker was all too real;
Time to build the first cup; her spoon was missing, at a glance.


Michael Todd  (2015)