Sunday, December 6, 2015

Eliza Anne's Coffee Calamity

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Eliza Anne's Coffee Calamity



It was a chilling day in November, along about dawn,
Eliza Anne went to the cupboard, plans to make brew,
A sad surprise befell her, her coffee maker was gone,
Just a shell remained, dormant, nary a drop to accrue.


Not one to calmly stand idle, and admit to a defeat,
She opened up her lap top, and went shopping online,
Placed an immediate order, went to cart from her seat,
Glanced toward her kitchen counter, mourning her shrine.


Springing to her feet, she searched for a tea kettle,
Filled with water, placed on the eye, setting it to ten,
Placed grounds and filter in a colander, intent to settle,
Soon crisis would be averted; she would not want that again.


She recalled a porcelain percolator, blue speckled kind,
Stored above, in a random box, somewhere beyond a ceiling,
She dragged a ladder to the hallway, hoping there to find;
At the top step, opened the door, darkness was concealing.


To her surprise, she was now face to face with an intruder,
A mask wearing bandit was staring her down, with demon eyes.
Losing her footing on the platform, dreading weight transfer,
The raccoon lunges, Eliza dodges, and down to floor she flies.


Coming to, on the floor, the raccoon queried, "Are you okay?"
Her subtle nod gave way to gaze, "Almost had a heart attack."
She said she was sorry she gave him a scare, as there she lay,
Sensing nothing was broken, "Help me get up off my back."


Making her way to her kitchen table, what we'll call home base,
Nursing herself with a cold cup of java, the elixir of life,
The raccoon, admiring surroundings, had never seen this place,
Cringed at the sight of Eliza Anne, fondling a carving knife.


She told him of her plight, said, "I have no coffee, Mister."
The raccoon put two and two together, then out the door he ran.
Eliza left to run some errands, unaware of his plot twister,
She returned that afternoon to view the results of his plan.


Her table held a dozen coffee makers, some worn, some shiny,
The bandit's chest swelled with pride, at her look of surprise.
"This is just a start," he boasted, "No one out steals Quiney.
Raccooning is a thing I do well, no matter the style or size."


Quiney payed little heed to her scolding, such is tough love.
He was more interested in her packages, "So, what's for lunch?"
She tilted a bag his way, showing carrots, gave them a shove;
Thanking goodness for small favors, for his well played hunch.


"I don't often eat these, as I'm dumpster diving. They're awful.
Not that I do not appreciate your kind gesture, really I do.
What really brings me to my knees, is a syrupy frozen waffle."
She said, "You are in luck." Going to the freezer, "One or two?"


Dropping them into the slots, she engaged her electric toaster.
She saw no red glow, there were no kitchen smells permeating.
She said, "I can't believe my luck today." He calmly asked her,
"Do you think your problem might be a circuit breaker failing?"


Turns out, he was onto something. The current was back to flow.
She burned the first batch, more focused on her coffee brewing.
Not a problem, she had an entire box, "You are good to go."
She went online. He quizzed her just what she was now doing?


"I am going to see if I can cancel my order, no longer needed."
To her surprise, a message appeared, she was a lucky customer.
Her initial thought to kill the deal would now go unheeded.
As their one millionth customer, "Choose whichever you prefer!"


A vacation cruise, a new living room suit, or perhaps a new car?
Those were some of the options before her, spoils of winning.
The furniture suited her, as she had no real desire to go far.
Quiney, taking this in, amused, nothing like a raccoon grinning.


Eliza Anne rushed into the next room, envisioning her new decor,
Overwhelmed at all the good fortune what was coming her way.
She inadvertently tripped over a rogue ladder, lying on the floor.
Hearing the haunting sound of a tea kettle, she drifted away...


Outside her door, hearing a loud commotion, her postman, Jay,
Made a quick call for help; a hook and ladder nearby cruising,
Within minutes, the firemen were on the scene, to save the day.
Eliza Anne was revived, no bones broken, just some bruising.


She knew her name, correctly gave her address, as well as the day.
"All I wanted was a cup of coffee, things just went downhill."
Jay ran toward a local bistro, her coffee was now on its way.
"Best I could do, cream and sugar, from Dave's Bar and Grill."


They left her alone, on her living room sofa. She was reclining.
As her fog was lifting, she wondered, "Where is my raccoon?"
With her front door left ajar, a crow flew in and saw shining.
"Do I want this carving knife or perhaps this silver spoon?"


Two days later, Jay arrived, with a doorbell ring, left a parcel;
By the time Eliza opened the door, Jay was running in the distance.
For all that was a dream, this new coffee maker was all too real;
Time to build the first cup; her spoon was missing, at a glance.


Michael Todd  (2015)

96 comments:

  1. Ahhh, poor Eliza. I'd have initially just made a run for Starbucks. But then, I wouldn't have known about the cool raccoon in my attic :)

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    1. Dahlia... It is always good to have a back up plan... We all have a raccoon in our attic, you know.

      Oh, and... Nice FRISTING !!!

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  2. Oh my! This had me smiling all the way through, even at the points when her ladder went askew!! Your characters are a marvel to behold. Thanks for the smiles this day!

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    1. Glad you enjoyed this, Dave. I love writing documentary poems, because they just seem to write themselves.

      Thanks for visiting, Sir.

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  3. You have a raccoon in your attic; way cool; is it a himself or a herself; I'm so glad you like semi-colons; why do you post here; my sympathies about your mom; I might be coming to Tennessee next year; what else do you have in your attic; do you have a basement; a barn; I'm pretty sure you have a porch; is that where you drink your coffee?

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    1. Quiney is a Himself; this place is so like Myspace for me, and it is off the beaten path, perfect for a shy person such as Myself; thank you very kindly, much appreciated; Tennessee welcomes you with open arms; Christmas decorations, which I really need to bring down and put up; no basement, because creepy things live in those; we had a barn but now we do not; my porch is the length of the house, and goes out eight feet from the wall, and there is a table and chairs to picnic on, or if you are really feeling adventurous, a porch swing.

      Thanks so much for this visit, Sallon; looking forward to your next...

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  4. ~a delightful work ... definitely a smile from start to finish.. I so so enjoy your writing ! Thank you love the close by the way

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    1. Thanks bunches, Katherine. So glad you like this... and, the last line, for me, was a ton a joy to write. I wish I could walk it out the door at the end of every poem like I was able to do here.

      Have a great week in the deep south...

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  5. poor eliza had one heck of a bad day lol I really enjoyed that mykie :)

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    1. She is doing really well now, Lia... Honest.

      Thanks so much for coming to call. I am conspiring to make your Kit Kat concoction for the holidays. I can do this. I just know it.

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    2. and you should definitely send me some

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    3. Would love to do so... now if I can just find that recipe... Perhaps I could remember without the video? Maybe?
      Probably not.

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  6. oh!! this is a delightful tale, loved it!! any day without coffee is a BAD day!!

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    1. While I do not drink coffee (don't tell anyone I said that), I understand what a tragedy it would be to be without, Linda... Thanks so much for coming by to visit... Good luck with the move.

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  7. Outstanding Michael!! a tale of adventure and so well played through. I have missed your fine imagination's creations.

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    1. Thank you, Andrew. The imagination is always running on eight cylinders, just sometimes difficult to channel... haha

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  8. A delightful romp! But you know my tolerance for raccoons is not overly high. haha -David II

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    1. I knew you would take me to task for the raccoon, David, but it has been far too long... By the way, the coffee from Dave's Bar and Grill went over famously!

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  9. THIS FROM ... JAY SOLE ...

    This was such a creative and fun tale that you brought us! Poor Eliza! The love of coffee can make you do strange things! The interaction between her and the raccoon was quite charming. Hey, in real life I actually did call 911 for a resident. I was making my rounds when I saw a elderly woman (mid 80s) on the ground in her driveway. She had stumbled out of her car coming home from a grocery trip. I could not lift her up! Called 911 and waited with her till 2 firemen came to the rescue! I did not, however, come back the following week with a shiny new coffee maker!

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    1. Wow, Jay... I never heard about that... 911 & a couple of fireman, just like in our story here... Was this in front of a big yellow house?

      Thanks for a brilliant cameo, and for once again saving the earth... er, I mean, saving the day.

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  10. Love your writing, I hate it when I run out of coffee myself 💖🍵🍵🍵💖

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    1. If you ever have such an ill timed event, call me, and I will send some right over.

      Thanks for visiting, Gail.

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  11. Quiney is the finest raccoon in the land.

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    1. Quiney has come to many a rescue. Best raccoon ever!

      Thanks for stopping by, Carter.

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  12. THIS FROM ... CHRISTINE LYNN ...

    That was unbelievably descriptive, and I don't know why but it almost had an Alice in Wonderland feel to it, lol. If Alice were much older. You put some serious thought and talent into that. I can relate to it on so many levels, the coffee fiend I am. It's really nothing short of excellent.

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    1. Chrissy... Darned if you do not have me wanting to read that Alice in Wonderland story, to see what it was all about. I saw the 1930s movie, when I was a youngster, but do not recall the details... I well recall the Tom Petty "Don't Come Around Here" video, and recall all the Alice details, but that is another story altogether, although the thought of coffee and cake going to together...

      Thanks so much for taking time to visit and for messaging. You have made me very happy.

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  13. Your storytelling poems always make me smile....what a delightful tale/tail this was!!! And poor Eliza, I would be freaking out if my coffeemaker broke. (That is why I keep a spare one in the basement just in case!) ;) xoxo

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    1. Great idea, Colleen... What could possibly go wrong with a trip to the basement at four in the morning... ahem.

      Glad to see you, happy you like the story, hug the cats for me. :)

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  14. I love poems about animals. You had 3 wonderful and exciting twists to the story. I love it when it cat he you from the beginning to the end. Thank you so much for sharing

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    1. Cat he is suppose to be catches lol

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    2. Oh, my, Denise... you were weaving in and out, just as I wrote it. That has me giddy... You know, I read the catches part as intended. I am somewhat dyslexic, so things just seem to appear to me as intended.

      Thanks so much for taking time to read and visit. Talk to you tomorrow.

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  15. What a story teller you are!

    Yes, I can understand Eliza's desperation,
    Needing that cup of coffee, needing it SOON!
    And what a genius stroke of inspiration....
    To proclaim as hero an industrious raccoon!

    But I have to wonder if it was our furry thief,
    Who had, after all, been the cause of the commotion,
    Pilfering carafe, creating caffeine withdrawal grief,
    And setting unfortunate events in motion.

    And what further mishaps may ensue
    From pilfered spoon by crafty crow?
    It seems another story waits for you,
    Inquiring readers wish to know!

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    1. Oh. My. Gosh. ... Sandra, so fine a riff... I am in awe that I just had a small part in inspiring you to write and share that.

      Thank you, thank you, thank you and then some. :)

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  16. I liked this story. Even though her day started out bad it actually was a good day. She met a talking raccoon. Came into possession of many coffe makers and won a livingroom set. Not too mention she had some of David's yummy coffee delivered by our favorite postal carrier. Entertaining write as always Myke. :)

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    1. All is well that ends well, Laura, and I suppose things came to an amicable close here. I am sure she had other spoons.

      Thanks for visiting. I have missed you.

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  17. I love it! Glad to know animals talk to other people too.

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    1. Animals talk to anyone who will listen, Reba.
      It is a rule.

      Thanks for coming by to visit.

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  18. :) This had me smiling all along as I read it. Poor Lize Anne...first no coffee maker and now no spoon. This could go on forever....

    Irene

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    1. Irene... we must grab the bull (in the china shop) by the horns and bring sanity to this house hold. Can you help me with that?

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  19. Replies
    1. I really need to take it up, Christopher. I feel really left out in the mornings when everyone else is getting along so well with it... Seriously, I take it by spells. I am more of an iced tea kind of fellow.

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  20. Ahh. No wonder I couldn't find it on your page. It is on this page. :) Delightful perkings. Delicious aromatherapy. Ambitious Eliza. Thoroughly entertaining with my cup of lukewarm coffee. :) Leta

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    1. Leta... You have overwhelmed me, and in a good way. Thanks!

      Oh, and by the way... you can microwave a cold cup of coffee. Just cover with a paper towel and heat of high for about four or five minutes, and you are good to go!

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    1. Thank you, Miss Mary... So good to see you, in this Holiday Season.

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  22. Seems as if Eliza Anne cannot catch a break..good thing she has sly Quiney on her side. Loved this whimsical tale Myke...nice job!! ~Christine W.

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    1. Quiney is a keeper, Christine. He will do.

      Glad you enjoyed our little romp. Thanks for coming.

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  23. Who knew the lack of a coffee maker could make people so dangerous? No wonder hotels put them in every room. Eliza sure needs that cup of brew after her day. Wonderfully written, and Eliza reminds me of someone...just who I can't remember. ;)

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    1. Jenn... you just knocked me off my stool with the hotel analogy. That was... You are... Brilliant!

      Eliza Anne is one of a kind. She is quite Brilliant, as well...

      Thank you for spending time with me this evening. You have left me smiling.

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  24. What a wonderful endearing story. It had me wishing for a raccoon of my own... and ironically I ran out of coffee last night!

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    1. Barbara... I am so sorry your coffee well ran dry.

      The part of Quiney was actually played by my very own Quiney, the Raccoon. He lives here at our house, has been part of the family for as long as... well, a long time.

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  25. LOVE IT! the story and adventure can relate one reason I both a french press and coffee maker just in case! ALSO have shall we say private reserve coffe put back as well! Thank YOU!

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    1. So happy this both percolates and resonates with you, Joanna. Thanks for spending time with us, and stay warm down there.

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  26. This is a cute story Myke one what brought many upturns to the corners of my mouth...Thank you

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    1. I love when you are smiling, Stephy... Thank you.

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  27. Some mighty stylish B-Rhyming there, sir!

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    1. Thank you kindly, Sir.

      Keep those 50s rolling at me. You are in my wheel house.

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  28. I am still giggling...what s comedy of unfortunate errors...but o DO understand the importance of that coffee...I would probably do the same��

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    1. Those dominoes knew when it was tumble time, and they took down to a new level, Demme... Fortunately, we had a happy ending, and that is what is most important the the credits are rolling and the orchestra plays softly...

      Thanks for coming to visit with us.

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  29. A MISSING SPOON....lets order one!! hehe "Raccoon sighting can also be reminding you to leave no stone unturned in your quest for resolution with the current problem you are facing. Take the time to look at the whole picture – the seen and the unseen to find a solution." humm :)

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    1. If anyone has a handle on this, it is you, Brenda. Your overview is so lyrical. You are the perfect narrator.

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  30. Myke, you're my hero! I was in such a caffeine-deprived daze that morning I'd forgotten all about Quiney the raccoon, the trip to the market, all those pilfered coffee makers, the tumble I took and the 911 call. I'm honored you made me your heroine in this riotous romp of a poem. You're clever, brave and talented to artistically tackle such an unusual subject. All I can say is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful .... Hey, what's Ed Sullivan doing in my comment? The plot thickens .... oh noooooo! Thank you from the bottom of my decrepit old heart.

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    1. Thank you for allowing me to share this story in rhyme, Eliza Anne. Writing it was a blast, posting was a revelation. I am so happy you are pleased with the story as written.

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  31. Oh the things that happen in that moment when you realize you can't make a cup of coffee.

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    1. Panic ensues and feeling are hurt. I get it. And, there is never an ideal time for this to occur. It is like... well, heck, there is nothing quite like it, Barbara.

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  32. What a charming romp through your imagination! I do think Ms Eliza Anne would have enjoyed a fresh piece of buttermilk pie with her coffee, however! Coffee is Joy to the World!

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    1. We both know... I could use a piece of buttermilk pie, home made, not from a grocery store bakery, the real deal.

      Won't you share a pie with me, Joy?

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  33. Nice storypome, Sir Myke! Never knew raccoons were looking for coffee. We don't have them here. Maybe they don't like our coffee? *wonders* And umm, I'm not sure coffee and Cheetos are a good match!!

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    1. Raccoons are fairly easy to please. We are over run with them here, but they are so cute, we overlook their pilfering ways. Had there been Cheetos in the house, odds are good that Jay would have made off with those. Jay is just that way.

      Thanks so much for coming by, Sir Ruggi. Much appreciated, as always, Sir.

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  34. I've got one of those cages for trapping raccoons in the attic. They really work - although you do have to remember to check it everyday.....

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    1. I cannot wonder, Tyler, just how you might go about letting the raccoon out of the cage without losing key parts of your facial expression. Raccoon gonna be mad...

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  35. A morning without coffee could be improved with the company of a raccoon. :-) Really, really enjoyed this.

    De Lyn

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    1. Many thank yous, De Lyn... Raccoons really do not eat much while you are looking at them.

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    1. It is you who has me smiling, Lana... So happy to see you here. Thank you.

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  37. Oh MY...now this was great. Im sad that Eliza Anne went through such a rough time :( But what a great stroy, I was so pleasantly surprized !!!

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    1. True, she had a hard day, but an appliance of reliance came in its stead... I hope all is well in the land down under, Misty.

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  38. That was a fun read! My sympathies to Eliza. Coffee is SO VERY IMPORTANT in the morning. Quiney sounds like an affable little guy and so helpful as well. ☺ Too bad it was all a dream, but at least Eliza got a new coffee maker out of it.
    Wishing you and your family a joyous holiday season. Cheers!

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    1. Really happy you made it by before vacation, Debbie... Quiney will appreciate your very nice thoughts his way.

      Wishing you the best for this Christmas season.

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  39. Another entertaining adventure! A raccoon and coffee and the knife! Wish you would write more!

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    1. Hello, West Coast Bestie... I wondered if anyone would pick up on the carving knife prop in this, and had about given up on that, but you made the observation. No surprise to me, as you are sort of all seeing.

      Thanks for visiting, Ellie. See you in '16...

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  40. Such a delight Michael! Wow, you had best submit this for a short film script!

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    1. Maybe like a segment for a show like "Love American Style" only with differing topics? That might go over. I could write those.

      Nice to see you, Don. Have a great day in True North.

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  41. Oh what a fun read...makes my day seem quite uneventful! You know how to bring us in with stories about coffee, racoons and Jay! :-)

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    1. You just can not have a great story without a cameo by Jay, DeAnna... Thank you for coming to call. I appreciate it.

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  42. Such fun and characters! I love this!

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  43. Can't be without one's coffee. Michael, the words pop off the page like usual with your wonderful poems. Glad you are getting some time for poetry again.

    Blessings,
    Karen

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    1. Thanks, Karen. It appears I will have some free time in the near future.

      Great to hear from you. I miss you when you are away.

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  44. What a whimsical tale, full of fun and mischief and amusement. What an imagination you have, dear Michael. How I can identify with Eliza Anne, hard-pressed to exist without my magic brew. I can see an illustrated children’s book. Do you paint pictures in addition to word pictures?

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    1. Debra... I cannot successfully draw a stick figure. If you want to pursue this idea, you have my full support... Really happy you enjoyed this little poem. Thank you for spending time here with us.

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